Source Code

Have you ever wondered what it would feel like if you ever woke up in a body that’s not yours?

What would you do? What questions will you ask?

Warning: This post might end up being longer than I wanted it to be. I assure you its a great read.
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As I woke up that morning, I did with a sigh. Now you may ask why should someone wake up with a sigh, instead of giving thanks for another day or something else?

The answer is simple, in the last four years of my life I’ve spent most of it looking for a job. I graduated with a first class honors in Economics from a reputable university. It’s an irony, I mean the fact that I am an economist and should have studied the statistics concerning unemployment. I thought I was prepared for this…. I was not prepared for this.

I do menial jobs at the local plant but that isn’t enough for upkeep. I live in a rented apartment that I haven’t paid rent in over 6 months, probably because the landlady has this huge crush on me (That’s another story!) Believe when I say I don’t like it one bit. I am so frustrated with everything; the government, the bully called corruption, the injustice after my parents were killed, my teachers in secondary school who said everything is easy once you have good grades, and the present system that doesn’t work.

I sigh. As I get up from my creaky and old bed, I can hear Beautiful Nubia’s “Owuro Lojo” from the radio. I say a few prayers, I take my bath and prepare for another interview which holds this morning, can you guess what position I’m applying for? Yes, Nothing related to my field at all.

I’m applying to be a hotel attendant at this new hotel in town and I heard they pay big. I’ve made up my mind that if they tell me I’m too qualified for the job, I’ll probably cause a scene there until I’m accepted… overqualified my jobless ass.

I should tell you my name before I proceed …..nah, lets just focus on the story.

As I alight from the vehicle, I start to feel nervous. Why am I feeling nervous? I have done plenty of this and not new to the whole process. Suddenly, I see a woman waving at me and screaming and as I turned back I saw a Toyota Corolla speeding towards me.
It’s too late, I close my eyes and brace myself for impact.

My life flashes before my eyes. I feel no pain as I am ushered into the afterlife.

*Beep* *Beep* I hear beeping sounds…”There are no hospitals in the afterlife” I thought.  I hear footsteps and they seem to be getting near, I immediately closed my eyes and played possum. I can hear them talking about me using some medical terms, and suddenly I can hear another voice and it belongs  to a woman.. “Doctor, will he make it? She asks! I hear the Doctor reply her “Yes madam, he took a blow to his head and its swollen but he’ll survive” I could almost hear her breathe a sigh of relief.

At this point, I think I’ve deduced this equation. She is most likely the driver that hit me and I have somehow miraculously survived!

“His father will be pleased to hear that when I call him” She adds… wait! what? I’m an orphan.. what’s going on here?

“Yes Dear, He was preparing for work this morning when he slipped in the bathroom and the house help found him unconscious but he’s doing fine”…….. Dear? Oh no! Someone thinks this is funny, this is not funny

“We’ll see you in the evening, goodbye” She ends the call. At this point, I’m too confused to think and blurt out the first thing that’s in my head. “I have no father or mother, so what are you talking about?” I see a lot of things on her face; confusion, betrayal and hurt. After saying this, I can see the doctor talking to her about amnesia and short-term memory loss. What’s this man talking about? I’m perfectly fine, he approaches me and says ” Mr [insert name here] I know I should have given you my name, its too late now though  you are suffering from a head injury and the effects are short-term memory loss and amnesia, so its plausible that you don’t remember anything” He beckons to the now crying woman to come forward “Your mother here will try to make you remember some things, We’ll leave you two alone now” He leaves and shuts the door.

I stare at the crying woman with sympathy, clearly she doesn’t know what’s going on here and it must be painful for your child to deny your existence. “Ma, please can you tell me who I am” I ask.

She breaks down into tears! Now I’m getting irritated. “Please Mom, I’d like to know what happened” That seems to get her attention as she cleans her face and looks at me with hope or perhaps its desperation, I can’t seem to tell.

“Son, I’m your mother and your father is currently on a plane to come and meet us here” I ask her what happened to me. ” You were on your way to work this morning when you slipped in the bathroom, it was the house help that found you and alerted us, I was very scared for you dear, what will the world say MY ONLY CHILD!.. I’m just happy that you are okay”

I can’t help but notice that everything I ever desired, this guy had it I had it now. I decide to ask one more question.

“Ma, you said I have a job then why do I still live with you” She chuckles and says “You just finished your NYSC and you got a high paying job at the NSE Headquarters, you decided to stay with us for a while before you moved out because you said and I quote ‘You guys deserve it and I don’t want to make you feel lonely and alone in this big house”

Isn’t it weird? I’d probably do the same and this is definately the orphan in me talking! It makes sense that I’d be revived in this man’s body.

I have been given a second chance to live again… in another man’s body but nevertheless I’ll make sure I do the right thing, right the wrongs and lastly make sure I fulfill my role as a son to these people.

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I watched the movie ‘source code’ again and thought about what would happen if an alien woke up in a human being’s body and somehow I got here!

So guys what do you think, should I continue? Did you find it interesting? Is it a ‘bleh’ story? Please If you have anything to say/suggest/write just drop a comment! But most importantly should I continue?

Thanks for reading. 😀

#ThreeMen

He beckons me to come forward,As a kid I cannot help but feel sick in my stomach. Judging by his looks, I’d say he was really old. Wearing what seems to be a red jacket, red pants with a lining of white by its side, Grey beards/hair, black boots, and a red cap.
He says “my name is Santa….Santa Claus and I’d like for you to sit on my lap” he ended with a Shit-eating grin.

And he woke up.

In the celebration of Jesus Christ, we retell the tale of the three wise men….Yay!!!! Courtesy of Joe Kerr
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Its the second time he had that type of dream.
A/N: What a strange dream the narrator thinks.
Who the fat man was he couldn’t explain, and why he needed to sit on his laps baffled him! But enough of that! He had a star to follow.

Ever since I (Musa), Olamide and Chinedu saw that shiny star in the sky, we just had to follow that shit! We were called the Three Wise Men but ironically we were called stupid for travelling from Chinedu’s hometown (East) just to follow a shiny object.
We knew about the prophecy about the Saviour/messiah and we were firm believers of the prophecy.
Behold, the virgin shall be with child, and bear a Son, and they shall call his name Immanuel, which is translated, God with us.
Why? You ask. After watching Legend Of the Seeker, Reading Merlin and watching Naruto! We just had to believe.
A/N: Of course they believe, these niggas be following stars and shit like some astrologers.
We headed straight to the Nigga in charge of Jerusalem; Herod.
After we asked of the messiah, we sensed some anger but we kept calm.
When Herod the king heard this, he was troubled. Matthew Chap. 2 vs 3
He left temporarily and went inside his personal chambers to make evil plans!
But the force was with me and my Niggas and we knew about that bitch’s evil plans.

Then he came out and told us to go find the baby and come back so that he may also worship him.
Hahahaha!!! Lies!!!

We left and continued in search of “Immanuel” the saviour until we came to the point where it stood over where the young Child was.
When we saw the star in its awesomeness we rejoiced and danced yahooze, swor, Alanta, azonto, alingo! We felt good inside (no homo).
When they saw the star, they rejoiced with exceedingly great joy. Matthew Chap. 2 vs 10
We went into the house and we saw the young child with Mary-Sama his mother and like that song we fell on our knees and worshipped Messiah-Sama and we presented our gifts (even though it was little, we’ve been told its the thought that counts)

I the man from the East gave The Messiah-Sama Myrrh.
I the man from the west gave the Messiah-Sama Gold.
I the man from the North gave the Messiah-Sama Frankincense.

Then we left and we were warned in our dreams that we shouldn’t return to Herod and I was like “Chill, We’ve got this” and we left another way and the only thing left on our mind was telling the world that Messiah-Sama had arrived and that the Son of God had arrived on Earth. Hope had arrived.

And she shall bring forth a Son, and you shall call His name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins. Matthew Chap. 1 vs 21

We at PBL wish you a belated Merry Christmas.
🙂

Status Quota?

Its been a week since I resumed at Fox River.
Every part of my being complains while in this “school”, my brain cells are too lazy to study, my legs are tired of incessant walking and my left hand wants the skin. The right hand wants to touch a keypad…..*sigh*
What can I do?
Enough of the emo bullshit!

Viola! In view…..
Wrong post dude.
Oh! Okay.

DISCLAIMER
Under no circumstance should “this” be taken serious, any allegation made or forwarded towards us shall be responded with “I plead under the influence”
Thank You
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Today’s post will feature a twitter celebrity and a popular musician. They will be here discussing and analyzing today’s topic and will also add their own two cents to the topic at hand.

Please help us in welcoming Mr. Andrew O… a.k.a Brewdada to the podium.

Joe Kerr: Welcome Sir, may I add that is an honor to meet you in person

B: Ha! And they said my Elegushi parolz wouldn’t give me anything! Thanks Man

Joe Kerr: Parolz? What’s that mean sire?

B: Well its more a less a pidgin word, that means……wait…sire? Nigga don’t be forming for me jor! I remember one girl I met while in Elegushi beach saying that to me!

Joe Kerr: Well, It’s just one of the ways we cool keeds express ourselves.

B: Cool keeds? Oh…So do you guys like always have a meeting maybe in…….Elegushi?

Joe Kerr: No, we dont….Lets get back on track please! Can you please tell us your views on the status quota in this country of ours?

B: By country you mean Lagos, right?

Joe Kerr: Err….sure

B: Okay, Well to me ehn! It’s all about the mouth.

Joe Kerr: Mouth?

B: Yeah man! You gots to have that mouth, if not you are just going to be down in the pecking order man. See, the difference between an average youth is the mouth! Imagine I want to organize a party in Elegushi, normally this would take time get approved…..

Joe Kerr: Approved?

B: Yeah man! It has to be approved by the board in charge of Elegushi…….TBICOE

Joe Kerr: TBICOE??? What’s that mean?

B: The Board in charge of Elegushi!!! Duh! But because of my mouth I wouldn’t need such! I just need to enter and do my stuff!

Joe Kerr: Oh! I see! Well…Thanks for stopping by but before you go, we’d like to ask some questions and we hope at the end you could also ask us.

B: Alright..Lets go!

Joe Kerr: Is it true that you were given birth to in Elegushi beach?

B: :|….*starts laughing* That’s a lie my brother! Truth is I was delivered in a hospital near Elegushi, but one thing that is true is that I was conceived in Elegushi! Period.

Joe Kerr: Okay…Erm… What are your long-term goals?

B: To.Own.Elegushi

Joe Kerr: There you have it folks! Brewdada, your questions please?

B: Is it true that in CU, the closest you can get to being high is by inhaling one chemical like this…

Joe Kerr: That’s a lie.

B: I hear you. I been listening to some Maroon 5 songs. Is Maroon 5 one person?

Joe Kerr: Yes, Maroon 5 is on person. Thank you

Next is the self-proclaimed Omo Baba Olowo, Davido!!!

D: *Walks in with entourage, notable clothings are a singlet and what appears to be a goatee*

Joe Kerr: Lets get to the point! Whats your view on the present status quota?

D: Well, to me its the money that matters oh!

Joe Kerr: Money?

D:When you have money, you have mouth and when you have those two things ehn! Whose father would come and challenge you?

Joe Kerr: Well no one…..cos you are the OBO

D: Exactly, I can tweet/eat/do/sing anything I want, I can claim to have a box room! I can also eat ice cream and pop corn as breakfast!!! Iyalaya tani lo fe wa ba mi……sorry…got carried away! I’m sure you get the point. If you have mouth, you are a bad guy or geh!!

*sigh* Well, you read it yourselves. We hope our continued investigation will lead us to the right answer!

From Davido and Drewbaba……If you feel they are wrong and would like to add your two cents, please feel free to comment.

Subscription would be appreciated. The best part is its free.

That Green Stuff

This story was brought to you by PBL Inc.  And sponsored by Cool FM

I know it looks long but trust me its a great read!

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Having completed my first year in University, I’ve come to discover so many things, things that cannot be expressed in a blog, tweet, essay, words….you get the point….sure….Ok let’s move on.After thorough meditation which led to falling asleep incessantly, I can only express what I have come to discover in three words.

THAT SHIT CRAZY.

While in school, I learnt something that is very helpful, applicable to all and sundry, whether young or old, male or female, ugly or beautiful, tall or Simisola, white or ebony.

Whenever you a take a joint, please stay in an enclosed area or else…….

It all started on a cold Saturday morning, I was preparing for a school debate. I was in my room staring at the female hostel from my room, getting ideas and preparing for the debate (yeah….I’m bad like that.)Then I started to feel my stomach growling, shit happens I said……..literally. After using a drug, I felt better. Going back to prepare, I found out I was blank. Turns out when those people said “it cleans out your system” they weren’t joking.

So I sought out a remedy and I was told by Donneli that some weed might help.  I thought and decided at least I’m taking it for the right reason.

You know that feeling Obama had when he was elected in as the first nigga to be a president of USA…yeah….well it can’t be compared to what I felt after smoking a joint as big as Toke’s Bum.Everything was so clear, I mean I finally understood the message Vic O was trying to pass out, why Kanye only follows Kim K (Folks it’s not ‘cos of love…understood…Okay). While we were on our way all I could feel was peace! Peace in CU.

Am I there yet?

You see I met Peace immediately after taking the joint. Peace had a curve to die for, an ass that needed an entourage and a british accent. We started talking while on our way to the venue.When we arrived, Peace told me to loosen up adding that a very good way to start is by telling a smart joke. Only thing I could come up with was “Chuck Norris and Alomo had a fight, guess who’s bitter about that now”

Who’s bitter now?

I was called upon, and I was asked my name “Eluwande Yomi” adding “I’m also here with peace”. And them judges were like” we all are here with peace too”, I was amazed ‘cos apparently we all smoked the same joint this morning.In the middle of my debate Peace came up to me on stage, I was planning on telling her to go back but looked like them judges were comfortable with it. She instructed me to keep shut adding the Judges weren’t even listening to me at all and she was correct. Apparently they were all talking to their own version of Peace.

Wow! They are all identical!

Who? Mr Yomi..A Judge asked

Miss Peace…I said pointing to their sides.

Suddenly the judges started farting…

Oh, a farting contest innit? I said… then I started mine giving each sounds from Do Re Mi to Do

After we finished, they all started to do push-ups bare chested, and I joined! For some reason I was being recorded, my pictures were taken!

“Apparently this must be an official contest” I thought.  At this point Peace was even doing push-ups, apart from the fact that she had three tits, the only thing I found odd was that her right tit was bigger than the left. Odd Innit? That day became the worst in my life. Not because I didn’t win the debate, Not because of my antics, but because I never saw Peace again.Now no matter how high I looked or how many stones I left uncovered (did you see what I did there?) I never saw her again!

*sigh* Hope you learnt something new today?

Remember “Artists use lies to tell the truth” That chick’s father  from V for Vendetta

Drop your comments below.

DISCLAIMER

We at PBL would like to tell you that any gbagaun(funny word… isn’t it) found should be returned to the owner.

Whosoever was featured, ( Toke Simi Donneli ) I would like to thank you very much!

Thank You.

Intro

Greetings mere mortals.
If you are on this page that means you were informed through subscription or your jobless ass just opened a random link on twitter.

Anyways I don’t care about how you got here all I know is you are on His Awesomeness’s page.

I go by the name Joe Kerr, you might have seen of my works in the “In my head” category……yeah that was me. I would just like to tell y’all that I would be dropping by sometimes for that mortal Yomi and making some posts. Now you better make sure your ass reads all of my posts or else………..

Now where’s that fool Yomi, been trying to guide him on the path of immortality but his sorry ass is just a dull fool.

Yo! I’m done typing!

I know, afterall…..

Will you STFU and let these people be on their way outta here.