Status Quota?

Its been a week since I resumed at Fox River.
Every part of my being complains while in this “school”, my brain cells are too lazy to study, my legs are tired of incessant walking and my left hand wants the skin. The right hand wants to touch a keypad…..*sigh*
What can I do?
Enough of the emo bullshit!

Viola! In view…..
Wrong post dude.
Oh! Okay.

DISCLAIMER
Under no circumstance should “this” be taken serious, any allegation made or forwarded towards us shall be responded with “I plead under the influence”
Thank You
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Today’s post will feature a twitter celebrity and a popular musician. They will be here discussing and analyzing today’s topic and will also add their own two cents to the topic at hand.

Please help us in welcoming Mr. Andrew O… a.k.a Brewdada to the podium.

Joe Kerr: Welcome Sir, may I add that is an honor to meet you in person

B: Ha! And they said my Elegushi parolz wouldn’t give me anything! Thanks Man

Joe Kerr: Parolz? What’s that mean sire?

B: Well its more a less a pidgin word, that means……wait…sire? Nigga don’t be forming for me jor! I remember one girl I met while in Elegushi beach saying that to me!

Joe Kerr: Well, It’s just one of the ways we cool keeds express ourselves.

B: Cool keeds? Oh…So do you guys like always have a meeting maybe in…….Elegushi?

Joe Kerr: No, we dont….Lets get back on track please! Can you please tell us your views on the status quota in this country of ours?

B: By country you mean Lagos, right?

Joe Kerr: Err….sure

B: Okay, Well to me ehn! It’s all about the mouth.

Joe Kerr: Mouth?

B: Yeah man! You gots to have that mouth, if not you are just going to be down in the pecking order man. See, the difference between an average youth is the mouth! Imagine I want to organize a party in Elegushi, normally this would take time get approved…..

Joe Kerr: Approved?

B: Yeah man! It has to be approved by the board in charge of Elegushi…….TBICOE

Joe Kerr: TBICOE??? What’s that mean?

B: The Board in charge of Elegushi!!! Duh! But because of my mouth I wouldn’t need such! I just need to enter and do my stuff!

Joe Kerr: Oh! I see! Well…Thanks for stopping by but before you go, we’d like to ask some questions and we hope at the end you could also ask us.

B: Alright..Lets go!

Joe Kerr: Is it true that you were given birth to in Elegushi beach?

B: :|….*starts laughing* That’s a lie my brother! Truth is I was delivered in a hospital near Elegushi, but one thing that is true is that I was conceived in Elegushi! Period.

Joe Kerr: Okay…Erm… What are your long-term goals?

B: To.Own.Elegushi

Joe Kerr: There you have it folks! Brewdada, your questions please?

B: Is it true that in CU, the closest you can get to being high is by inhaling one chemical like this…

Joe Kerr: That’s a lie.

B: I hear you. I been listening to some Maroon 5 songs. Is Maroon 5 one person?

Joe Kerr: Yes, Maroon 5 is on person. Thank you

Next is the self-proclaimed Omo Baba Olowo, Davido!!!

D: *Walks in with entourage, notable clothings are a singlet and what appears to be a goatee*

Joe Kerr: Lets get to the point! Whats your view on the present status quota?

D: Well, to me its the money that matters oh!

Joe Kerr: Money?

D:When you have money, you have mouth and when you have those two things ehn! Whose father would come and challenge you?

Joe Kerr: Well no one…..cos you are the OBO

D: Exactly, I can tweet/eat/do/sing anything I want, I can claim to have a box room! I can also eat ice cream and pop corn as breakfast!!! Iyalaya tani lo fe wa ba mi……sorry…got carried away! I’m sure you get the point. If you have mouth, you are a bad guy or geh!!

*sigh* Well, you read it yourselves. We hope our continued investigation will lead us to the right answer!

From Davido and Drewbaba……If you feel they are wrong and would like to add your two cents, please feel free to comment.

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That Green Stuff

This story was brought to you by PBL Inc.  And sponsored by Cool FM

I know it looks long but trust me its a great read!

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Having completed my first year in University, I’ve come to discover so many things, things that cannot be expressed in a blog, tweet, essay, words….you get the point….sure….Ok let’s move on.After thorough meditation which led to falling asleep incessantly, I can only express what I have come to discover in three words.

THAT SHIT CRAZY.

While in school, I learnt something that is very helpful, applicable to all and sundry, whether young or old, male or female, ugly or beautiful, tall or Simisola, white or ebony.

Whenever you a take a joint, please stay in an enclosed area or else…….

It all started on a cold Saturday morning, I was preparing for a school debate. I was in my room staring at the female hostel from my room, getting ideas and preparing for the debate (yeah….I’m bad like that.)Then I started to feel my stomach growling, shit happens I said……..literally. After using a drug, I felt better. Going back to prepare, I found out I was blank. Turns out when those people said “it cleans out your system” they weren’t joking.

So I sought out a remedy and I was told by Donneli that some weed might help.  I thought and decided at least I’m taking it for the right reason.

You know that feeling Obama had when he was elected in as the first nigga to be a president of USA…yeah….well it can’t be compared to what I felt after smoking a joint as big as Toke’s Bum.Everything was so clear, I mean I finally understood the message Vic O was trying to pass out, why Kanye only follows Kim K (Folks it’s not ‘cos of love…understood…Okay). While we were on our way all I could feel was peace! Peace in CU.

Am I there yet?

You see I met Peace immediately after taking the joint. Peace had a curve to die for, an ass that needed an entourage and a british accent. We started talking while on our way to the venue.When we arrived, Peace told me to loosen up adding that a very good way to start is by telling a smart joke. Only thing I could come up with was “Chuck Norris and Alomo had a fight, guess who’s bitter about that now”

Who’s bitter now?

I was called upon, and I was asked my name “Eluwande Yomi” adding “I’m also here with peace”. And them judges were like” we all are here with peace too”, I was amazed ‘cos apparently we all smoked the same joint this morning.In the middle of my debate Peace came up to me on stage, I was planning on telling her to go back but looked like them judges were comfortable with it. She instructed me to keep shut adding the Judges weren’t even listening to me at all and she was correct. Apparently they were all talking to their own version of Peace.

Wow! They are all identical!

Who? Mr Yomi..A Judge asked

Miss Peace…I said pointing to their sides.

Suddenly the judges started farting…

Oh, a farting contest innit? I said… then I started mine giving each sounds from Do Re Mi to Do

After we finished, they all started to do push-ups bare chested, and I joined! For some reason I was being recorded, my pictures were taken!

“Apparently this must be an official contest” I thought.  At this point Peace was even doing push-ups, apart from the fact that she had three tits, the only thing I found odd was that her right tit was bigger than the left. Odd Innit? That day became the worst in my life. Not because I didn’t win the debate, Not because of my antics, but because I never saw Peace again.Now no matter how high I looked or how many stones I left uncovered (did you see what I did there?) I never saw her again!

*sigh* Hope you learnt something new today?

Remember “Artists use lies to tell the truth” That chick’s father  from V for Vendetta

Drop your comments below.

DISCLAIMER

We at PBL would like to tell you that any gbagaun(funny word… isn’t it) found should be returned to the owner.

Whosoever was featured, ( Toke Simi Donneli ) I would like to thank you very much!

Thank You.