Status Quota?

Its been a week since I resumed at Fox River.
Every part of my being complains while in this “school”, my brain cells are too lazy to study, my legs are tired of incessant walking and my left hand wants the skin. The right hand wants to touch a keypad…..*sigh*
What can I do?
Enough of the emo bullshit!

Viola! In view…..
Wrong post dude.
Oh! Okay.

DISCLAIMER
Under no circumstance should “this” be taken serious, any allegation made or forwarded towards us shall be responded with “I plead under the influence”
Thank You
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Today’s post will feature a twitter celebrity and a popular musician. They will be here discussing and analyzing today’s topic and will also add their own two cents to the topic at hand.

Please help us in welcoming Mr. Andrew O… a.k.a Brewdada to the podium.

Joe Kerr: Welcome Sir, may I add that is an honor to meet you in person

B: Ha! And they said my Elegushi parolz wouldn’t give me anything! Thanks Man

Joe Kerr: Parolz? What’s that mean sire?

B: Well its more a less a pidgin word, that means……wait…sire? Nigga don’t be forming for me jor! I remember one girl I met while in Elegushi beach saying that to me!

Joe Kerr: Well, It’s just one of the ways we cool keeds express ourselves.

B: Cool keeds? Oh…So do you guys like always have a meeting maybe in…….Elegushi?

Joe Kerr: No, we dont….Lets get back on track please! Can you please tell us your views on the status quota in this country of ours?

B: By country you mean Lagos, right?

Joe Kerr: Err….sure

B: Okay, Well to me ehn! It’s all about the mouth.

Joe Kerr: Mouth?

B: Yeah man! You gots to have that mouth, if not you are just going to be down in the pecking order man. See, the difference between an average youth is the mouth! Imagine I want to organize a party in Elegushi, normally this would take time get approved…..

Joe Kerr: Approved?

B: Yeah man! It has to be approved by the board in charge of Elegushi…….TBICOE

Joe Kerr: TBICOE??? What’s that mean?

B: The Board in charge of Elegushi!!! Duh! But because of my mouth I wouldn’t need such! I just need to enter and do my stuff!

Joe Kerr: Oh! I see! Well…Thanks for stopping by but before you go, we’d like to ask some questions and we hope at the end you could also ask us.

B: Alright..Lets go!

Joe Kerr: Is it true that you were given birth to in Elegushi beach?

B: :|….*starts laughing* That’s a lie my brother! Truth is I was delivered in a hospital near Elegushi, but one thing that is true is that I was conceived in Elegushi! Period.

Joe Kerr: Okay…Erm… What are your long-term goals?

B: To.Own.Elegushi

Joe Kerr: There you have it folks! Brewdada, your questions please?

B: Is it true that in CU, the closest you can get to being high is by inhaling one chemical like this…

Joe Kerr: That’s a lie.

B: I hear you. I been listening to some Maroon 5 songs. Is Maroon 5 one person?

Joe Kerr: Yes, Maroon 5 is on person. Thank you

Next is the self-proclaimed Omo Baba Olowo, Davido!!!

D: *Walks in with entourage, notable clothings are a singlet and what appears to be a goatee*

Joe Kerr: Lets get to the point! Whats your view on the present status quota?

D: Well, to me its the money that matters oh!

Joe Kerr: Money?

D:When you have money, you have mouth and when you have those two things ehn! Whose father would come and challenge you?

Joe Kerr: Well no one…..cos you are the OBO

D: Exactly, I can tweet/eat/do/sing anything I want, I can claim to have a box room! I can also eat ice cream and pop corn as breakfast!!! Iyalaya tani lo fe wa ba mi……sorry…got carried away! I’m sure you get the point. If you have mouth, you are a bad guy or geh!!

*sigh* Well, you read it yourselves. We hope our continued investigation will lead us to the right answer!

From Davido and Drewbaba……If you feel they are wrong and would like to add your two cents, please feel free to comment.

Subscription would be appreciated. The best part is its free.

Re-Search; A tale of Lagthers

Hey Mortals!

Welcome to another post where you learn nothing but you still LOL.

So grab a seat, and be entertained.

We at PBL™ have been doing some research (Yes, Research! *nodding head*) and we have brought up some topics that are very mind-blowing, mind-boggling, e.t.c
Topics that could give y’all headaches (maybe not).

Before We begin, y’all know what a “laugh track” is right? ;It’s always in all these comedy shows, where people are heard laughing, but can’t be seen. Knowledge is Wisdom!!!

So anywhere you see laugh please do laugh, if possible laugh out loud.

First, we start with Mr. Flowsick who just recently released the video of his hit-track “Lowkey”

In the aforementioned song, we can hear Mr. Flowsick saying “Let me give it to you lowkey”

What is it he wants to give?

And why does he want to give her in a key that is very low, We all know keys that are low on piano are somewhat discreet(I’m no musician) but Mr Flowsick was actually very loud throughout the whole song. *laugh*

Another school of thought believes lowkey as used in the song could imply sex, and he wants to give it to “you” lowkey. How you have sex with someone in lowkey still beats me.

Is it that he doesn’t enter fully? *laugh*

Or he enters with a half erection? *laugh*

Or he just………..*sigh*

Are we even sure He/She wants it in a “lowkey” form? Yes, it could be a He!
We all know about the recent trend;
Like that time that person kissed this person.
Or that time this person posed in a position meant for females only.
Or that time this person started wearing female accessories!
I digress.
Another school of thought believes he just tried to made a song and title it with a very popular word on Twitter.

Another school of thought believes his creative juices got sick and stopped flowing (See what I did there, you don’t? (-_- ). *laugh*
Well, I agree with them!

They also go on suggesting that Mr. Flowsick might be a pedophile ‘cos he keeps repeating “don’t let your father/mother know, let me give it to you lowkey” *laugh*
Is it me or has a Whiz of a Kid not used that line before? (taps chest) Aal is Well *laugh*

Well, I agree with them!

Another topic that interests us is;Invasion of the Sunglasses otherwise known as Shades.

A sun-glass (mostly dark) is a form of accessory that protects the eyes from the rays emitted by the Sun, that’s what it used to be before it was being used in Nigeria. You see a Lotta people wearing ’em Shades in buildings or at night!

Even movie actors like Tim Jyke have been found guilty. I mean, how does a nigga go around in a building only in a black & white format, say gibberish things and kick random things all at a time *laugh*

When I see bouncers at nightclubs, I’m like; nigga I know you are doing your job and you think wearing a dark sunglass makes you tough, but right now you are on the same par with a Bimbo *laugh* and you look so not tough either *laugh*
It’s not meant to be worn at night, if not it should have been named Nightshade*laugh*

And if you feel the need to wear something at night to protect your eyes, you might as well use a Night vision google *laugh*
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Well, we hope you have been fascinated by these fascinating, entertained by this entertaining topics. We appreciate your time, and please share your views using the comment box.

Don’t miss the upcoming posts. Subscribe!!!

DISCLAIMER

Did you know if you look at the word “laugh” for 20 seconds, you pronounce it as “lag” in your mind. True Story *laugh*

Are you doing it??? I knew you would! I shake my head in disbelief.

Please, I do not criticize anybody, ‘cos I know I might not do better.
Any sub/negative comment shall be protected by my armor of Starch *laugh*

Enough of this lagther *laugh*

Yomi Out.

“Sideprick”

*dusts blog, grabs a stool and starts reading a book*

Please watch the floor while you step into this blog, ‘cos I’m about to drop some knowledge
(cool innit)

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I wonder why guys trouble themselves trying to impress a girl, you see them reading books like “How to get your dream girl” “How to score with her” “How to know if she is Mrs Right?” and “How to fulfill your sexual desires using telepathy”e.t.c
But then again wondering about that is like trying to imagine what goes through Zamani’s mind when free styling/all the time.
Therefore I come with my own book “Why go through the troubles when you can be a Sideprick™!”

Yes! A sideprick™ as seen in Oxford™ Dictionary can be defined as a guy/girl/transvestite who engages only in a physical relationship with a girl with no strings attached. Well, maybe with a G. (See what I did there!)
No awkward post-sex cuddling, post-sex convo, No “L” word involved.We all know what people think of a sidechick;that they be bitches, they get no love, they only be in it for the sex…e.t.c which I think is uncalled for, I mean someone has to do it or else jelly might cease to be what it is. So in this case, A sideprick™ wins in whatever situation.

If you are still contemplating on how you will be seen with the sideprickee™ (Yep, I trademark my stuff), well life is easy.

When you are walking with the aforementioned sideprickee™ and you see any of her friends and she asks you about you, all you say is she is your distant cousin who you came to visit.

Also add the fact that you will be coming to visit her in a while. This is the perfect way to hide the truth, and she has no need to be annoyed because YOU are the Sideprick™

If accidentally you bump into her parents (which should never happen) and you are being questioned, tell them you are partners in a project that needs a skin to skin relationship in order for it to be effective.

When you get questioned by her younger siblings just use big words; like you guys are former paramour and that you decided to be acquaintances and you are on of your periodical visits.
That should do.

When you are with your friends, be careful what you say because it depicts who you are……
Just tell them!
With great power comes great power responsibility, only a few are chosen.
If you are chosen, please rep the Sideprickhood™ with loyalty, passion and sincerity.

WHAT ARE YOU STILL WAITING FOR? BE A SIDEPRICK TODAY!
Or waste your time reading the sentence below!

Get an iPad for 50% the price, or half the price!!!

Whichever is cheaper.

In other news, we at PBL™ Inc. have decided to praise some of our celebrities in Nigeria by highlighting some of their body parts in every post including this one.

WORLD PREMIERE:

Alex Usifo, Goodluck Ebele Jonathan, and lastly our dear Mo’cheddah have been nominated for “Celebrity with huge nostrils”

After serious debates, and taking sizes into consideration: Alex Usifo wins.

DISCLAIMER

We at PBL™ Inc. cannot guarantee you the luxury of  doing the award every post but we will do our best.

Less I forget the above post was inspired by @dhamyhan

One more thing before we finish, We’d appreciate if you’d sign up for this blog

Thank You.